..:: in pursuit of happiness ::..

Previously, I used to think that I can only be happy when I was in love with that 'special someone'. But, after had gone through months of single hood, I am definitely wrong on those thoughts. I now know exactly that I can be happy by myself, doing my own things and making ME happy. Alhamdulillah.

List of things that make me happy... :-)

• to know that I'm being monitored by the superior higher power which is Allah the almighty, 24/7, 365days/year.. 'til the end of my journey.
  
• to wake up in the mornings and just glad to be alive so that I can do something useful for the day.
• to have food, clothes, and a roof over my head.. just the basic necessities.
• to be surrounded by wonderful people in my life who are my family and close friends which I truly love with all my heart.
• to catch the rays of the morning sun when I'm off to work.
• to be occupied with work which gives me satisfaction when I get to complete each tasks.
• to be able to have conversations and share my thoughts with others.
• to try and take good care of myself spiritually, emotionally and healthily.
• to be able to write my thoughts in this blog.
• and the list goes on...

I was trying to look for a good definition of happiness and I came accross this one (below) which I totally agree...

Finding happiness is like finding yourself. You don't find happiness, you make happiness. You choose happiness. Self-actualization is a process of discovering who you are, who you want to be and paving the way to happiness by doing what brings YOU the most meaning and contentment to your life over the long run. (This definition of happiness by David Leonhardt, The Happy Guy)

..:: two-007 bandung trip - Pt. 1 ::..

This is not my first time going to Bandung, Indonesia. I went there last year with my family and a few of close family-friends. Last year punye trip mmg best. We did the whole sight-seeing thingy. We went up to the mountains of Tangkuban Perahu. The view was really spectacular. First time dpt experience melawat area gunung berapi, cuma tak tahanlah ngan bau sulfur yg menusuk idung..

On top of Tangkuban Parahu -- look at the sulfuric smokes

We also went to the hot springs. A few of us took a dip in the hot, almost like temperature-boiling water. Aku aje yg tak masuk mandi sbb tak suka panas dowh. (teringat pulak masa form 2 kena jadik bahan uji kaji celup tgn dlm air panas & air sejuk..tsk tsk..)

Hot Springs @ Tmn Rekreasi Sari Ater

***********************************************************************

K, that was last year. This time around my sisters (big sis: Nana & younger sis: ieja) and i went to Bandung for the second time. We were also joined by ieja's friend, Ainee and her two aunties (Mak Lang and Mak Nyang). Ainee followed us last year. So, the six of us, all girls/ladies/women pergilah ke Bandung with one mission in mind which is SHOPPING!!! he he he..

Yeah, apart from the tourist spots, this place is also a paradise for shoppers coz there r lots and lots of factory outlets. Kalo kat mesia kan ada Reject Shop or F.O.S. shj.. and summore kat sini choices are very2 limited. Tapi kat Bandung, ada byk sesgt factory outlets.. Mostly yg jual branded stuff, mainly apparels la.. i.e, Guess, Esprit, Moschino, Armani, Polo, 7 Jeans.. to name a few. (ada byk lagi dowh).. all u need to bring is ur $$$$$$ or credit cards.. and oso a big suitcase to fill in the things that u have bought.. hehehe, talking from experience nih.


1st day - 22/01/07
Our flight from LCCT @ KLIA is at 7.35am.. can't do anything about it since there's only one flight to-and-fro KL-Bandung. Alamak, nak tak ndak kenalah bangun pagi. Sampai kat airport, we were greeted by Ainee and her aunties. Mulalah sesi suai-kenal gituh with her aunties.. cuma, kelakar coz Mak Lang really speaks fluent loghat Kedah.. She kept asking, "Nanti sampai sana kita pi market ka??" (market nih refers to kedai.. kedai apa2 pun dipanggil 'market'.. cheh, org Kedah terra ckp omputih nooo.. hehe). Aku yg dah lama tak berdialog dgn bahasa Kedah pun try my best to answer her.. sib baik che bolehlah cakap sikit2 nooo.. :-)

View from above -- M'sia's airspace after take off

The flight took us 2 hours. After gone thru the immigration and customs check, we collected our bags and kuar aje dr arrival hall tuh dah ada dah org to pick us up to the hotel. We had arranged earlier from m'sia to have the transportation to pick/drop us @ the airport. Owh, lagi satu.. airport dia nih kechik ajer.. 

The drive from the airport to the hotel was around 10 minutes aje. Kejap je kan? We stayed at Patra Jasa Hotel. Actually, kitorg tak tau nak pilih hotel yg mana satu kat Bandung nih (takleh nak gi hotel yg sama like last year coz the rate is really pricey.. some more kitorg xmo la spend a lot on accommodation pun). Just a few days before gi cuti tuh, ieja n i did a few search from the internet and came up with several hotels. Ainee did all the calling and most of the places were full. Lucky for us, Patra Jasa ada lagi a few rooms.. and tengok2 ada website pulak tuh kan.. so, pakai gamble aje la.. hehehe.

The hotel that we stayed -- Patra Jasa @ Bandung

Mmm, sesampai aje tengok2 hotel tuh mcm lebey kpd motel.. ala, like the ones u see in hollywood-type movies tuh.. hahaha.. mmg nak tergelaklah kitorg.. Tp, apa2 pun for us it was still acceptable. Ala, lagi pun kitorg nih bukan nak melepak lelama kat dlm bilik.. just nak tempat tido and mandi ajer kan?? hik hik..

After freshening up, kitorg pun bergegas kuar dari bilik utk meneruskan misi membeli-belah. Ieja as the Chief-de-Mission did all the inquiring on the public transportation and the places that we need to go for shopping. Fortunate for us since ieja mmg pintar ngomong bahasa indon.. so, apa2 menda yg nak ditanya ker mmg ieja yg akan in charge gituh.. (serepek sama lu ieja, da-da mmg x gheti la nak ckp indon.. maybe jarang2 nonton sinetron kot... unlike U.. hehe.. tp, beneficial kan?? ;-)) Actually, we already knew of a few places that we need to go from the trip last year.. so nak pegi ke tempat2 tuh semula plus a few other 'new' places.

Inilah ANGKOT

We decided to use the public transportation for the whole trip as our mode of moving about.. and the best and most cheapest way is to use the ANGKOT. Angkot is actually short-form for Angkutan Kota. It is actually a van turned-into a bus lah lebey kurg. Servis nye sama aje mcm bas kat mesia. The cheapest fare is Rupiah 1,000 which is RM0.40 ntuk jarak yg paling dekat and yg paling mahal pun Rupiah 2,500 (RM1.00) tuk yg paling jauh..  But it all depends on the pak drebar laa.. ada yg akan charge mahal sbb kita neh pelancong.. tp, mostly masa trip we all tuh takde la yg kena tipu pun.. (mmm, sbb adik aku kot yg pandai ngomong indon..hehe).

Best gak naik angkot. Dapatlah kitorg mingle ngan penduduk tempatan kat sinih. It is common for the drivers to stop and carik penumpang kat tepi2 jalan. If we stand at the road side, there'll be a few of the vans stopping by. Semuanya nak amek penumpang. Kekdg tuh, dorg sanggup tunggu sampai van tu penuh and then baru gerak. Bagus ek servis kat sinih. Tip-top gituh, van tuh pulak yg tunggu kita.. hehe. The drivers siap tekan2 hon lagi untuk tarik penumpang naik van dorg.

Neh foto2 yg sempat disnap dlm ANGKOT....

Ieja (on the left) & Ainee

Myself & Nana

Mak Lang (left) & Mak Nyang

alamak, i need to stop here peeps... belum lagi citer pasal shopping neh.. to be continued...

p/s: seriau ajer bila dengar bunyi rege seribu, dua ribu lima ratus masa naek Angkot tuh.. pada hal murah aje.. kee kee.. (seriau =  takut, loghat Kedah)

..:: it's a small world ::..

Just when i thought that having this blog makes no sense at all, the most surprising thing happened. Today, i am glad to be reunited with my long-lost friend ubisetela. Actually, she was the one who 'found' me. i'm still quite puzzled with the outcome of the whole situation.. but most of all i am really, really happy.. =)

p/s: i have to change my mind once again.. having this blog do make sense eventhough some people may consider it nonsense..

..:: RaLaT LaLaT ::..

A correction to my previous post on Kebenaran Yg Menyusahkan.. CO2 is carbon dioxide peeps and NOT carbon monoxide.. sowwy, my bad.. hehe.. (carbon monoxide is CO) haha.. sure everyone knows 'bout this.. aku jer yg terblur sket.. :P

..:: Oooppss TeR-FOUR-JoT ::..

Hari ni aku baru je masuk ofis after having had a 4 wunnerful-exhilarating-tiring-days away from mesia. Masuk2 aje pagi neh kat ofis, seme org dok tegoq aku sebab dah lama x nampak.. hikhik.. rasa fames kejap beb sebab dpt attention dari org2 yg windu kat aku spt kata dorg lah (betui ke dak che tak tau, kot2 rindu sbb aku tak dak nak tolong depa wat keja.. hehe :P.. adoi camna pulak leh melekat loghat utagha lak nih.. nih mesti kes lepaih melepak ngan 'mak lang' -- n who's mak lang?? ne-mind, u'll soon find out in mah next post...)

Eniwei, aku pun switch on ler PC yg dok elok2 atas workstation aku tuh... and spt kebiasaannya tertera la kat skrin tuh the msgbox prompting me to type in the password to login into the network. Oh-OoOoowh.. aku cuba nak recall aku nyer password.. tapi, tapi.. aku betul-betul takleh nak recall, aku takleh nak ingat langsung. ALAMAK!!! aku betul2 dah terlupa password... huhuhu.. terpaksalah aku kol org IT tuk mintak dorg reset akunyer password balik.. uih, buat malu jer.. terpaksalah mengexplain kenapa aku x ingat password. hikhik, betul2 ler aku nih dok syiok cuti sampai tak hingat langsung pasal keje..

p/s: baru je 4 hari gi cuti, kalo 2 minggu ke sebln ke, mesti lebey teruks.. ntah2 dah x ingat camne nak buat keje.. keekee.. :P

..:: An Inconvenient Truth - Trailer ::..

This is the trailer for An Inconvenient Truth (following my previous post). Do view!

..:: KeBeNaRaN yg MeNYuSaHKaN ::..

Baru2 nih, aku dapat tengok this one documentary film entitled "An Inconvenient Truth". It's not actually a movie, movie type thingy, more on a lecture type based on research findings that was presented by mr Al Gore (bekas VP US tuh). Anyway, the whole film was about global warming and it touches on the usage of carbon monoxide or CO2.

Okay, citer skrg ni yg aku amek from the movie is that penggunaan CO2 ni mmg dah di tahap yg melampaui batas... As a result, our climate dah jadik tunggang-langgang. This is simply because all the CO2 and other gases are trapped inside the earth's atmosphere which increases the temperature of the earth. When the earth's temperature rises, it also brings about other effects like the melting of the glaciers on the top of the snow capped mountains. Uih, ada dorang tunjuk gambar2 of a few mountains yg dulu ada byk glaciers but skrg nih tinggal ciput ajer.. Not only that, the ice on the Artic and Antartica are melting.. which also brings about the rising of the sea levels.. and in addition, when the sea level rises, all the areas around the coastal shores will be submerged in water.. aiyoo, very the scary.. mmg la depa dok tunjuk gambaran kat US tuh, but it could very well happen in Malaysia too.. mmm, skrg ni pun dah dok banjir kat Johor. Just imagine if that is going to happen for good.. nanti dah takde tempat dah nak tinggal.. or what if the whole country tenggelam?? isn't it scary?? wallahu'alam..

Apart from that, when the temperature increases, banyaklah jugak penyakit2 yg timbul i.e SARS, Malaria, Avian flu and memacam lagilah.. Sebabnya, musim panas akan lebey panjang daripada musim sejuk (nih utk negara 4 musim).. From the movie dia bagi example of this beetle bug yg suka makan pine trees.. Bila, suhu makin meningkat, musim sejuk akan jadik singkat and musim panas akan lebey panjang.. so, these insects akan ada jangka hayat yg lebey lama and akan attack all the pine trees yg ada.. jadiknyer makhluk perosak nih akan idup lebey lama.. contoh lagi, mosquitos yang dulunyer hanya dok melilau kat kawasan tanah rendah, skrg nih dah berani dah nak berterbangan kat kawasan tanah tinggi sebab suhu panas kat tanah tinggi yg membuatkan mereka boleh ke sana.. ouch, ouch.. kena gigit nyamuk lah pulak.. come on mr nyamuk, jangan gigit aku laa... ada byk lagi menda yg ko boley gigit.. nih idak gatai sangat nak cium2 orang.. huhuhu.. (ke laen lah pulak yer.. :P)

Ada lagi yg dorang story.. Ini pasal hurricane yg makin bermaharajalela kesan drpd global warming.. still remember hurricane katrina?? or yg baru2 nih.. taufan durian kan yg kena kat Filipina tuh.. Semuanya kesan dari kepanasan yg melampau.. Mmm, aku pun rasa cam percaya jugaklah menda2 nih berlaku sebab global warming.. (mmm, maybe lah kot) Dok tengok skrg nih pun cuaca mmg dah tak menentu.. Hari tu baca paper, ada few ski resorts kat overseas yg tutup because takde snow.. (ala, tak yah gi jejauh pun kan?? Kat mesia pun tak abis lagi pasal banjir kat Johor). Tp, tau dak pengguna CO2 yg paling byk sekali kat dunia nih - oghang2 amerika nih la.. ish, ish.. apalah dorg ni kan.. tau buat kerosakan aje kat dunia nih.. aiyoo, mr gore sendiri pun try to bawak issue nih masa dia nyer campaign tuk bertanding lawan bush.. tp, malangnya org dok kata it's a hoax.. they just want to ignore this issue and biarkan aje..

apa2 pun you have to see it for yourself utk percaya ke idak.. as for me, it really opened up my mind and made me think bout our environment.. about the future.. about people and how foolish, selfish and ignorant people can be.. ntah, after watching it rasa macam i really wanna do something to make this world a better place to live in.. mmm, maybe try not to exhale so much CO2 for a start... hehehe, just kidding.. :P

..:: WaSSuP, WaSSuP BeB?? ::..

Yikes.. i know, i know.. it's been a while since i last updated my blog.. and i also know that i was supposed to start off writing bout my weight loss issue in my next post [which is this one lah!!] But, at this current moment, i really don't feel like writing it.. Nak kena ada inspiration la beb.. still waiting for that purfect timing.. hikhik.. takpe aahh, nanti aku story gak yer.. tunnnggguuuuu!!!

So, wassup with me?? nothing much really.. It's just that i've been very2 busy with work, woRK, WORK!! Since last saturday, i had to come to office and settle my work.. [tapi tak abis2 jugak... cam siots jer.. :P] and this week had to stayback in the office.. yesterday i stayed til 7.30pm and today dah berhajat nak stay lambat lagi dari semalam tp belum sempat apa2 around 7.45pm dah kena 'halau' ngan org office services sebab dorg nak kunci pintu opis [mmm, masa nih lah aku ingin sangat nak spare key opis neh.. macam kawan aku sorg tuh.. senang sikit kan, boley buat cam rumah sendiri.. hikhik.. boleh kuar masuk sesuka ati.. hahaha.. nanti betul2 feel like aku nih cam takde life.. owh, opisku, rumahku jua.. :P ] and esok, lusa pun camtuh jugakla kots.. Luckily this friday our office will be closed {Note: Opis aku kalo public holiday falls on saturday, hari jumaat mmg cuti.. yippee!! jangan jeles maa.. :P}

Mmm, sure korang dok pikiaq yang aku nih workaholic kan?? hikhik.. idak ler gitu.. Ekceli, next week ni aku nak amek cuti (4 days break). Nak gi somewhere with my two lovely sisters.. Itulah pasal yang bersemangat nak siapkan semua keje before i'm away.. Lagi pun, aku dah habaq kat boss dah yg dia toksah worry sebab aku akan make sure semua keje settle before aku bercuti.. huhuhu.. itulah, janji lagi.. skrg nih kena suffer sikitlah.. huhu.. and some more, skang nih tgh nak closing accounts for the month.. parah, parah.. sebab aku nak kena siapkan accruals before aku gi cuti.. huhuhu.. and another BIG HUHUHU!!!

kayla, aku pun takdak idea lagi nak story.. my brain dah penat.. aku nak pi tidoq awai sikit malam nih.. till l8r.. ciao cincau..

..:: Ze 1st WeeK iN Ze 1st MonTH of 2007 ::..

Ahlan Wa-Sahlan, Welcome, Selamat Datang... whateva it is 2007 is here!!! I'm still not too late to wish everyone a very Happy New Year.. After 4 days in 2007, so far semuanya is smooth sailing for me.. alhamdulillah :-)

Resolusi?? oppss... Resolutions you might ask.. Aku sebelum2 nih mmg tak pernah nak letak sesuatu azam apabila sampai sahaja tahun baru.. Sebabnya, apa yg aku praktikkan sebelum ni ialah utk perbaiki diri pada setiap hari.. try to make my life better with each passing day.. But this year, terasa macam lain pulak.. rasa berkobar-kobar utk meletakkan target dan azam in writing.. (mmm, kenapa pulak yer?? mungkin sebab rasa epi aje sejak dua menjak nih.. hehehe.. )

Firstly, i do want my life to be better this year, in all aspects lor.. nak berusaha perbaiki segala kelemahan yg ada utk jadi yg lebey baik.. (insya Allah..) Try to understang, ehh.. understand & manage myself better.. yup, byk lagi yg nak kena aku usaha.. especially nak usaha utk manage my emotions dgn cara yg sepositif mungkin.. sebelum2 nih dah kena drill ngan menda2 negatif ajer.. aku pun tak ndak la asyik dok pikiaq menda2 yg buruk2, yg bukan2, yg buruk-sangka ke apa.. aku mmg nak tukar balik kepala otak nih dari negatif dan pesimis kepada positif dan optimis.. (insya Allah.. i really need to train my brain and use my mind power.. tuh-heehee )

Secondly, nak teruskan usaha aku utk kuruskan badan.. Emm, did i mentioned that last year i managed to lose 15 Kilograms? Yup, i really did.. with a lot of effort that is.. alhamdulillah, skang nih dah slim but i still wanna lose around +/- 10 kgs to reach my target weight and have a healthy BMI (right now my BMI is like a bit in the overweight range..) And oso, my sis Kak Lina for the many millionth time dok suruh aku write in my blog bout my weight loss journey.. supaya menjadik inspirasi bagi mereka2 yg mengalami masalah berat badan.. (bukan aku cakap tp akak ku yg selalu dok soh aku log it out in black & white).. so nyer, insya Allah akan ku usahakan nanti...

Thirdly, nak improve my writing skills.. aku ingat ex-boss aku masa keje kat Maxis dok kata org2 IT nih mmg tak reti nak tulis2 report ke apa... adoi.. mmg menyakitkan ati.. iyerla aku keje kat corporate comm dept.. tp teruk betul, tak bagi chance langsung nak involve ngan report ke press release ker tulis formal letter ker apa... sakit ati tul la.. benchi kan kalo org yg ckp mcm tuh tanpa usul periksa.. mmg la org IT nih selalunya dilabelkan cam tuh.. hanya reti nak buat programming ikut logical thinking.. tulis pun ikut step-by-step and line-by-line, if-then-else and what not.. mmm, bukan semua org macam tuh kan?? and aku rasa aku pun tak camtuh.. aku ada byk idea, tp cuma terkadang bercelaru ajer.. nak kena sort it out and try to explain it sebaik mungkin... Lagi pun writing nih bagus apa.. nak release all the emotions dat i'm feeling inside.. (tuh-heehee..sebabnyer, aku nih lebih banyak diam jer dari cakap.. and mmg tak suka cakap byk pun.. hehehe.. lebey suka tulis apa yg aku rasa..)

Tuh jer my main concern skang nih... yg lelain tuh mostly menda yg kechik2 jer kot.. will unveil as i go along.. again HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007 TO ALL!!!!

p/s: do anticipate the upcoming posts which gonna touch on my weight loss experience..

..:: BiTTeRSWeeT TwO-DouBLe-ZeRo-SiX ::..

Tup-tap tup-tap, dah sampai pun penghujung 2006 and today is the last day. Dang, how time flew like a blizzard.. cepatnyer. Reflecting back on this year, mmm, there were some bitter and sweet memories.

Yang bitter tuh, mak ngah (kakak abah aku) dah kembali ke rahmatullah. Berita pemergian dia memang mengejutkan kami sekeluarga. I was really, really sad. The last time I met her was during raya last year. Mak Ngah mmg dah sakit tua and tak larat dah nak berjalan sana-sini tapi disebabkan hari raya, mak ngah mmg berniat nak dtg beraya kat rumah kami. Sebelum mak ngah balik, aku pun salam, peluk cium tangan and kedua-dua pipi dia.. Lepas tu, dia tak lepaskan tangan aku. Sesekali dia tersenyum, kemudian memegang tangan aku dan mengusap-usap lenganku. Lama jugak dia buat camtuh. Kemudian, tetiba dia cakap kat aku..

"Mak Ngah dah tak lama dah... Lepas ni tak dapat nak jumpa lagi" nadanya spt bergurau..

"Eh Mak Ngah ni, jangan la cakap macam tuu.. InsyaAllah kita akan jumpa lagi.." sapa aku.. rasa tersentap pun ada.. sedih pun ada sbb mak ngah cakap macam tu.. tp aku diamkan saje..

Tapi mmg benar seperti kata2 Mak Ngah. Belum sempat kami nak bersua lagi, arwah telah pergi meninggalkan kami dan pemergiannya masih kami rasai. Al-fatihah buat Mak Ngah. Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat & ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 yg beriman. Al-fatihah.

Yang sweetnyer this year.. I think the most valuable gift that I'd given myself is the gift of FREEDOM.. :-) After several break-ups and make-ups, I finally had the courage to end the mostly-emotionally-and-sometimes-physically-abusive-relationship that I was in and it is definitely terminated for good. Aku ni bukannyer sorg yg kejam.. Chances were given to him many, many times (countless). He changed for quite a bit, but in the end he is still the same control-freak who finds happiness by torturing the one that he said he loves to death. Dah lama pun bersabar (8 tahun, x ke lama tuh? :-O) But I did learned a few things from having gone through this bad experience. I think I've become more stronger than I used to.. aku dapat rasakan yg aku nih lebih tabah and lebih sabar untuk hadapi situasi yang lebih challenging pas nih. One more thing is, walau macam mana pun, aku tau aku takleh nak 'ubah' sesorg tu.. Only that person can change for him/herself. Alhamdulillah, everything that happened to me, happens for a reason. Kalau nak pikir negatif, mmg byk perkara yg negatif tapi kan lebey elok kalau kita pikir yg positif atas setiap musibah yg berlaku kat diri kita, kan??

That one particular relationship ended but it brought about many new friendships and renewed the bond that was once lost with old friends. Aku rasa happy sgt2 sebab dapat kenal kawan2 baru and dapat jumpa balik kawan2 lama.. Especially, my friends kat MCC Kuantan dulu.. adik-beradik ku yg dah lama x jumpa.. huhuhu.. bukannya tak ndak jumpa korg but after i was not allowed to contact with any of my frens by my ex, aku pun tak berani nak contact korang sebab aku nak avoid confrontations.. (bayangkanlah, masa dolu takleh nak pakai handphone beb.. definitely a no-no.. kalo nak jugak, abis la perang besar) Alhamdulillah dpt gak jumpa korang masa raya open house kat rumah along hari tu.. I always loved u guys and missed u guys a lot!!

Raya 2006 with adik-beradiks @ along's house

Other than that, aku pun dapat jumpa kengkawan masa kat UKM dulu. Actually, ari tu aku dah janji ngan Loi Ming to visit Syikin yang baru aje lepas operation (masa bulan Syawal gak). Kitorg pun pegila Hospital Putrajaya on one fine Saturday morning to visit her. Punyalah pandai the both of us sebab tak call dulu b4 going there (konon2 nak wat surprise lah tu :P) Ended up, kitorg yg surprised becoz Syikin dah kuar wad ari tuh.. hahaha, mmg tergelak besar la masa tuh.. So, Loi Ming and I pegilah pulak lunch kat Alamanda (mmm, xdela spesel sgt pun kat situ ek? tp aku pon x abes jejalan kat situ.. :P) and then decided nak kaco sorg lagi kawan kitorg, Lin yg mmg dok kat Putrajaya. Sib baik Lin ada kat rumah.. tengah sarat lagi.. (oh ye, Lin baru je delivered a baby girl.. alhamdulillah and tahniah to Lin and family :-)).. After that baru la jumpa Syikin.. and lastly Loi Ming ajak pulak gi rumah Mr Faidzul (my lecturer and oso supervisor tuk thesis dulu).. Kitorg sesedap aje lepak kat rumah En Faidzul and his wife Mastura with their new baby girl.. lepak punye lepak sampai siap makan dinner lagi.. hehehe, muka tak malu sungguh :P.. All in all it was really a long happy day for me.. A day well spent at Bangi, Putrajaya and Bandar Seri Mahkota.. ala rugi tak bawak kamera aje masa tuh.. (kalo dak sure amek pics byk2kan Loi Ming?)

Dat's about all.. Hopefully, the new year will bring more joy and happiness.. insyaAllah.

..:: ON-OFF-STRESS ::..

Semalam, sambil lepak2 tunggu azan maghrib, aku pun tukar2 channel  kat tv and masuk channel Astro Ria (channel 4 kay bg those yg takde astro). Anyways, ada program Hijrah Remaja kat tv and tetiba menarik minat aku utk melihat rancangan tuh becoz they were discussing the topic on "Tension + Stress + Pressure".  Owh, cam te-tau ajer aku ni yg tgh stress amat sgt skang nih.. huhuhu..

Menarik jugak perbincangan ahli2 panel and oso the guest speaker tuh (Ustaz Zulfan Haidar). Dia pun bg tau pasal teori A-B-C. A is for potential stressor which is org or menda2 yg boley buatkan kita stress. B is for the thoughts that we have on the potential stressor, bila kita dok pk pasal org2/menda2 yg leh wat kita stress. Lastly C is for the action that we take from thinking bout stress (mmm, lebey kurg gituh la kot aku rasa). Ustaz tu pun explain that we should always have the positive reaction when coping with stress and disokong sebulat suara oleh semua yg dlm discussion tuh. Yeah, right.. i do think that all of us are aware bout this kan?? Tp, cuma dia cakap bila kita stress kita kena pikir, kenapa kita nih stress in the first place?? that's where the theory comes in lah. So, nyer.. bila tgh2 stress gituh, try to understand where the stress is coming from.

He also gave an example yg stress nih mmg ada masa2 zaman nabi dulu. Sepertinya masa Nabi Ya'kub a.s. yang stress bila mengetahui yang anaknya Nabi Yusuf a.s. hilang. He cried and cried until he turned blind. But, dia masih lagi terus2an berzikir dan bertawakal pada Allah s.w.t and in the end dia pun dpt berjumpa semula dgn anaknya Nabi Yusuf a.s. and alhamdulillah he retrieved back his eyesight dengan kekuasaan Allah. Then, another story about Saidina Umar Al-Khattab yg juga ditimpa tekanan. Cuma dia mempunyai cara tersendiri utk handle stress. First he will say alhamdulillah and syukur sangat2 becoz dia kena tekanan ni kat dunia dan bukan kat akhirat coz bila kat akhirat nanti mmg dah takleh nak wat apa2 dah pun. Yg second step that he took, i had forgotten. The last step dia akan katakan pada diri dia, alhamdulillah penderitaan saya ini lebih ringan drpd org lain. The ustaz said the best way to manage stress is always train our mind like what Saidina Umar did when facing stressful situations.

Bagus sungguh perbincangan nih, yg membuka mata aku besar2 sket and also mengingatkan aku buat keberapa kalinya yg i always, always need to remain positive and be positive. Tulah aku nih, terlalu ikutkan perasaan and senantiasa lalai ajer. Tu pasal yg leh stress teruks2 tuh.. huhuhu. Padahal, if i stayed positive, insyaAllah everything will be okay kan? wallahu'alam.

Conclusionnyer, semua org mmg facing stress in their lives. Cuma how they handle the stress yg buatkan org tuh okay ke tak. For example, Wardina Saffiyah (the host) said that when she is so stressed dia akan baca Quran byk2 and menangis pada Allah. That's the best way for her to cope with stress. Yup, different people handle it differently. Mmm, yup i sure need to do sumthing bout my stress nih.. 

Okay, i'm off now to do some stress management.. hopefully i'll get better.. insyaAllah.

..:: I.M.T.R.O.U.B.L.E.D ::..

Dearest diary,

Lately, I am really2 stressed out. I just don't know why. One thing's for sure, it's definitely not related to my work becoz, alhamdulillah I can still cope with the workload. Somehow, I just feel like I'm disconnected with myself.. feeling of lost.. losing touch with ME.

Mmm, just recently, I keep having flashbacks of the painful memories... grrhh.. really x larat lah.. really feel frustrated and at times angry with myself for having these snapshots of the past.. Gambaran masih jelas lagi and suara2 masih terngiang-ngiang kat dlm kepala aku. aku tak daya lagi. (kenapalah 'ko' nak kacau aku lagik.. huhu)

I'm not giving up but skrg nih aku rasa mcm patah semangat sikit kat diri sendiri. Aku cepat pulak rasa guilty, rasa down, rasa pessimis. Pastuh, semakin byk aku pk semakin cepat aku rasa exhausted. Once i start thinking, i just couldn't stop. I can't control 'them'. It's like 'they' are having their own way of doin' the thinking for me. Kalau slow2 tuh takpe tp ini tak, mcm bullet train, pacing back and forth lelaju, sib baik tak collide ajer.

Apa aku nak buat? I know there may be some issues that i need to settle. I need to dig deep and figure out.. and skrg nih aku tgh pening, confused.. 

-->> I.M.T.R.O.U.B.L.E.D.!!!

..:: rasa sedih itu ::..

Tiba-tiba hari ini rasa sayu terbit di permukaan hati
Hatiku terasa berat, dadaku merasa sebak sekali
Perasaanku mula menggamit rasa hiba
Begitu sukar untuk aku jelaskan

Aku masih tak mengerti kenapa aku melalui rasa ini
Dari mana datangnya rasa itu yang tidak pun diundang
Mengacau jiwaku yang sedang tenteram dan tenang
Membuatkan aku terjatuh ke dalam rasa kedukaan

Airmata mula bergenang di kelopak mataku
Namun ianya tidak jatuh membasahi pipi
Mengapa ianya tidak begitu seperti selalu
Aku cuba memahami namun tidak dapat mengerti rasa sedih itu

~Nukilan: Linda @ Da-Da, 26 Disember 2006

I did cry when I got back from work today. Tears were rolling down my cheeks.
The feeling of sorrow came and crept into my heart. I am trying to figure out what triggered the emotions.
There could be many reasons. It could be coming from the memories of my past or it may come from the feeling of uncertainties in the future. It could be anything... and here I am still wondering why...

..:: eK-NEe aTTaCk ::..

CAUTION: This info is only intended to those who are having problems like yours truly. Read with care.

Yikes! dah beberapa bulan aku dok ada problem nih, (rasa2nya 2-3 bulan nih kot).  Tak tercapai akalku untuk perasan yg menda2 cam nih pun leh berlaku kat aku bila dah sampai usia2 dewasa gini. Rupa2nya idak, sangkaanku meleset sama sekali.. malah problem aku skrg nih rasa2nya makin teruk aje... huhuhu. Pe menda lah yg aku dok citer nih kan?? Well, if u wanna know... i'm currently having ACNE attacks!

Iyearlah, dodulu mana ada muka aku teruk cam skrg nih. Kalo kena acne pun kekadang aje time2 PMS. Tapi sekarang nih dari satu ke satu aku kena. Pastu kena kat area jawline and chin.. huhuhu, sedey betul.. dan membuatkan aku betul2 malu sebab semua orang dok perasan yg muka aku dah jadik teruk.

Anyways, aku pun ada terbaca satu buku. Kalau jerawat tuh appear kat area jawline and chin, besar kemungkinan ianya disebabkan hormones. Betul ker?? Aku pun buat ler survey (baru je tadik).. untuk dptkan kesahihan. Ha'ah mmg betullah, huhuhu.. hormon aku tengah tunggang-langgang sekrg nih bagaikan keretapi yg tergolek dari landasan.

Okay, so now what?? Mmm.. skrg nih tgh pikir nak gi jumpa doktor kots. Doktor yg adik aku pergi jumpa a few months back. Masa adik aku pegi hari tu, the doctor did recommend her to use Cetaphil cleanser. I just bought one last week and tengah menggunakannya pun (rasa cam kurang cikit jer jerawat aku, tapi cikit ajer..). I also read somewhere that it is simply best cleanser ever for your skin. 

Other than that, aku kena amalkan tips2 (listed below) yg aku amek drpd beberapa website:-

1. Don't over do - cleanse in the morning and evening, and don't scrub that often. Kalau lebih dari yg ditetapkan akan buatkan pimple tuh lagi teruk

2. Quit picking - jangan ngengada nak sentuh2 muka tuh ngan tangan.. nanti akan menyebabkan bakteria merebak dari tangan kena kat muka, pastu muka akan bertambah-tambah teruk nanti

3. Cutdown on stress - aku yang sememangnye stress memanjang, nak kena kurangkannyer.. take 
time-outs.. relaks kejap antara waktu keje tuh.

4. Drink more water - nak kena tambah aku nyer daily water intake.. more than 8 glasses definitely.
Kekadang aku nih terlupa nak minum air.

5. Exercise regularly - dah lama aku tak excercise nih.. sejak lepas bulan pose and bulan syawal, belum lagi start2 nak excercise betul2.. kena buat nih.

6. Eat more veggie and fruits - yg ni skrg ni mmg aku tgh buat pun, tp aku nih kekdg tuh dah beli buah byk2 tapi terlupa nak makan..

7. Choose 'non-comedogenic' - kena make sure kosmetik (powder, foundation etc) tuh non-comedogenic, yg takkan clog pores.

8. Sleep - need to get 8 hours of sleep daily to de-stress skin. Kalau kurg dari 8 jam, mungkin akan menimbulkan akne yg lebih..

To those who do have problems like me, aku paham perasaannya.. mmg boleh ada kesan pada emosi kan?? but need to take action gak. Mmm, do hope that my skin will get better soon, insya Allah. 

Do hope the info given is useful. You can also do your own skin assessment from the Cetaphil website:-
1. Basic Skin Assessment   
2. Detail Skin Assessment

..:: JuGGLiNG eMoTioNs ::..

"When any fit of anxiety or gloominess or perversion of the mind lays hold upon you, make it a rule not to publish it by complaints but exert your whole care to hide it. By endeavoring to hide it, you will drive it away." Dr. Samuel Johnson 

Today was not a good day for me. It all started with two separate and unexpected phone calls when I got to work this morning. Owh, when I had just managed to avoid someone (and the related counterparts) from my past, then suddenly 'BAM!' just like getting hit on the head by a coconut fruit (hehe.. mcm pernah kena pun.. :P) everything turned sour.. :-( But, I was quite amazed at myself.. I managed to retain my composure and talked in the most polite way as possible..

It's just that I don't understand why this 'someone' called me up in the first place.. and then followed by this 'someone's' sister. The relationship had already been terminated months ago.. Why can't his sister accept the situation?? 
No, means no, right??

All my emotions were jumbled up. I tried my best not to fall into the trap of depression. For one minute I was okay, and then the next minute I feel absolutely terrible. What I do know is, I need to fight back all those negativity and not let it get to me....

Alhamdulillah, i'm okay now..

..:: WHaT iN THe WoRLD?? ::..

Penatnya dah taip panjang2, pastu bile klik publish terus ilang.. macam magic si David Blaine tuh pulaks.. (btw, aku suka tengok mamat neh punya show yg tunjuk kat astro tuh david blaine's street magic + he's one good looking guy.. hehe). Actually, aku dah kena 2 kali dah. Penat aku tulis pepanjang, tarus hilang after klik publish.. mmm, so aku tgh pikir 'what in the world' y this thing could happen....

• maybe sebab aku tak patut publish menda2 yg aku dah type pepanjang tuh...
  
• maybe blogger sajer je nak aim aku nyer posting nih... saje je tak bagi aku masukkan entry sebab dengki... hahaha..
• maybe button publish tu camouflage ajer.. sebaliknye bila klik publish tuh sebenarnya tuk delete, pastu tarus ilang posting aku sebelum nie.. pandai laks aku nyer hipotesis
• maybe ada conspiracy theory somewhere, somehow.. pasang2 spy gitu
• maybe ada udang sebalik mee.. makanan pun terbabit sama..

mmm... tu jer kot yg aku leh pk setakat nih.. yg penting nyer... aku FRUSTRATED beb! penat aahh tulis pepanjang tadik... huhuhu.. sedeynyeerr

p/s: aku dah copy and paste kat word pad dulu sebab takmo pisang berbuah kali ke-3.. huhu

..:: FeVeRiSH SuRPRiSe ::..

Alhamdulillah, today i managed to get back to work after suffering a high fever and migraine during the weekend.

Mmm.. guess what? i received a few surprises today....

~~~~~

Early in the morning, i got an sms from a friend asking whether i'll be coming to work today... . 

i gladly replied that insya Allah, i'll be in the office :-) 

Later, i was surprised by her reply saying that she misses me... 

*sob, sob, felt like crying*

~~~~~

When i got to the office, a colleague of mine who sits in front of my workstation and just got out from the morning meeting said,..

    'hey, where have you been??everyone in the office misses you...'   

*owh.. shucks... am i really missed??? *

~~~~~

Later, a few of my colleagues dropped by and asked me...

     'hey, how are you doing??....'    'are you getting better??.....'  'are you okay???....'

and they also gave some advise to take good care of myself.

~~~~~


It's just that... sometimes i feel that no one cares about me... or no one knows if i exist... feeling unimportant and useless...

Is it just me??... or my thoughts are playing tricks on me???

But, today i just realised that there are people, other than my family, who do think about me and cares about me....

Eventhough it was just for a short moment... 

     Somehow it made me feel 'important', made me feel 'happy',....

.....and above all it made me feel 'blessed'

And i also, do truly care of the people who had touched my life..
      thank you so much for being there... 
            thank you so much for your support...

p/s: absence do makes the heart grow fonder... not turning up for a day really made a difference

..:: PeRPiSaHaN - aNuAR ZaiN - OST CiNTa ::..

Perpisahan - Anuar Zain

Ku mengerti perpisahan ini
Bukan kerana kau membenci
Tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
Tiada lagi bersama

Sering, kala aku terlihatkan mu
Impian nan indah bersulam bahagia

Ku harungi hari demi hari
Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali
Tapi hati masih tak terima
Ditinggalkan sengsara

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Perasaan hati masih rindu
Kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
Tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilangan
Kehilanganmu...
Masih tercari-cari...

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu

*lagu yang penuh emosi... soulful... truly g8.. tears running inside my heart...

 

..:: CiNTa - 5 KiSaH, 1 CeRiTa ::..

Minggu sudah, i finally get to catch CINTA, filem yg sememangnya aku dok tunggu2 nak tengok..
Penantian yg agak lama sejak my sis, ieja who did her practical at GBSB was involved in the 
production of the movie, asyik dok citer kat aku bits & pieces of this movie.. sejak the first time i 
watched the sneak preview kat Tv3's melodi masa bulan puasa yg lepas, aku dah terjatuh CINTA. 
buatkan aku bertambah teruja nak menonton..

 

“Seringkali kita terlalai mengejar apa yang belum pasti hingga kita lupa meraikan satu-satunya perkara yang menjanjikan kebahagiaan.. CINTA..”

Ungkapan yang diutarakan masa opening of the movie, and bagi aku minit2 pertama masa opening tuh membuatkan aku nak tau lebih lanjut apa yg special sgt about CINTA nih... The first scene tuh pun dah ada impact utk buatkan aku fixed my eyes on the movie and to follow the story until the end.... segala emosi yg digarapkan dlm cinta nih dpt aku rasa... rasa sedih, pilu, luka, gembira, sayang, memahami, marah, sepi, kosong, kasihan, simpati, terharu.... macam2 rasa yg aku peroleh dari CINTA.. pendek kata filem nih mmg memukau dan gambarannyer masih lagi jelas terpahat dlm memori walaupun dah lebih dari seminggu aku tonton citer nih... Banyak sgt scenes yg menarik dlm CINTA.. scene2 yg aku takleh nak lupa

• Bila Taufiq (Pierre) for the first time luahkan rasa cintanya pada Arianna (Amani) tapi masa tu ada tren komuter tengah lalu kat depan rumah and so memang tak kedengaranlah kata2 yg diucapkan oleh Taufiq pada Arianna.. *owh, so sweeeeett!! and oso there's a touch of humour in it... *
  
• Bila Harris (Rashidi) nak buat surprise kat wife dia, Airin (Rita Rudaini) and all of a sudden he was the one who got the 'surprise'... *woohh.. kesian kat dia... really felt the hurt, pain and agony that he had to go through..*
• Bila Cikgu Elyas (Dato' Rahim Razali) who has alzheimer, masa tuh di tengah2 Chow Kit dia tak tau di mana dia berada.. *sympathised for him* luckily Rubiah (Fatimah Abu Bakar) who happened to be there, nampak apa yg berlaku and terus gi tolong cikgu Elyas.. *sebak aku tengok this scene..*
• Bila Dhani (Que Haidar) found out what his sister Dyan (Nanu) did for him... pengorbanan seorang kakak pada adik yg disayangi... *nih part paling sedey...menangis aku dlm hati*
• Bila Azlan (Eizlan Yusof) dlm satu press conference, terpaksa menafikan hubungannya dgn Azura (Fasha Sanda) demi utk menjaga status korporatnyer.. and masa tuh Azura heard all of it... *hipokrasi tul mamat nih, geramnyer aku tengok.. sian kat Azura..*
• the little girl who played the daughter of Harris and Airin.. the scene where the dad sent the daughter to her mum's new house.. then the daughter takmo balik... nak ikut her dad and wants him to be happy, takmo sedey2 lagi... *owh, nih part paling2 terharu.. really brought tears to my eyes.. coz it reminded me of a loved one who had to endure the same situation quite some time ago... very sad... sob, sob...*

All i can say is... this is the best malay movie that I've watched so far (not that many on my list pun).. Apart from the storyline, the cinematography for me is really superb... chantek maaa... and the selection of songs in this movie mmg mengancam lagi seswai... really touching to hear Perpisahan by Anuar Zain... sedey siioootttssss... so, it's still not too late if you want to catch this movie... mmm, aku pun kalau ada peluang nak tengok lagik... :-) a few lines from the movie that i really liked..

"Kalau kita bersusah-payah sehari untuk orang yang kita sayang adalah lebih baik daripada bersusah-payah selama-lamanya untuk orang yang kita tak sayang"

"Kadang-kadang orang yang paling kita sayang adalah yang paling susah untuk disayangi"

"Isteri bukanlah hak milik tapi satu anugerah"

Mmm.. byk betul kesan daripada CINTA... membuatkan aku sendiri ingin untuk merasakan cinta... dan memang benar, kalau tiada pahit, duka, sedih, gembira, tawa bukanlah cinta namanya.. namun bagi aku filem nih mmg ada sikit je kekurangan... tidak digambarkan cinta yang lebih agung dan cinta yang abadi iaitu cinta kepada Tuhan... seperti lirik daripada nasyid raihan "kasih manusia sering bermusim, sayang manusia tiada abadi, kasih Tuhan tiada terperi, sayang Tuhan janjiNya pasti....." mmm.. mungkin penulis tak sempat kot nak masukkan elemen2 ketuhanan kat dlm movie nih... overall, CINTA berjaya menambat hatiku...

p/s: nama adik aku appeared at the ending credits.. proud aku sih.. hehe

..:: To Be oR NoT To Be ::..

Be understanding to your enemies.
Be loyal to your friends.

Be strong enough to face the world each day.
Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone.

Be generous to those who need your help.
Be frugal with that you need yourself.

Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything.
Be trusting enough to believe in miracles.

Be willing to share your joys.
Be willing to share the sorrows of others.

Be a leader when you see a path others have missed.
Be a follower when you are shrouded by the mists of uncertainty.

Be first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds.
Be last to criticize a colleague who fails.

Be sure where your next step will fall, so that you will not tumble.
Be sure of your final destination, in case you are going the wrong way.

Be loving to those who love you.
Be loving to those who do not love you; they may change.

This is reminding you, "Above all, be yourself."

got this via e-mail from a friend.. the words r really meaningful... wud like to place 'em here... :-)