WHaT WaS i THiNKiNG??

i remembered jotting in my blog that i wanna write sumething (bits & pieces) about my recent relationship with my x. emm.. but now, come to think of it.. i don't think i'd like to share it with the world cause i don't wanna dwell in the depths of my painful past.. and i don't wanna relive thru the emotional roller-coaster that i had gone through. Duh, and as if i don't have anything else better to write about. Yup, from today, i wanna have a positive outlook in life.. insya Allah.

FoRGiVe & FoRGeT
emm.. i had forgiven him. i already forgave him for what he had done to me and he did admit that he was wrong.. but alas, this relationship had to end since i can't go on living in misery. forgiving him is okay but the forgetting part is really difficult.. here's something that i've been feeling for quite awhile which i simply need to write down and have closure...

I had forgiven you....
The one who had disrupted my life
and put me thru agony with such abusive words...

The one who altered my thinking
until i too perceived myself as someone who is not worthy of love,
not worthy of myself and not worthy of anyone else..

The one who said that he loved me
but at the same time not accepting me for who i am
and who i wanna be...

The one who always see the bad
instead of the good side of me...

I had forgiven you...
I truly had forgiven you...

But I'm trying to forget those harsh words
and those insensitive remarks
that had turned me into someone else..

It's really hard for me to forget...

Now, i'm picking up pieces of me
that have been torn apart...
Now, i'm struggling to be normal again..
Now, i'm learning to be happy..

So, please don't enter into my life..again..
or even in my dreams...

Enough is enough...
This relationship had ended..
and there's no more 'us'..
There's no more 'we'..
It's over between you and me..
Full-stop.

p/s: not trying to be poetic, but those are just my thoughts which have been kept in my heart for so long.. and i need to let go...